He Almost Did
by 16abennett
Summary: Summary: Loosely based on I Almost Do By Taylor Swift. She knew. She knew all along. Kate Beckett knew that Richard Castle loved her and she never told him. Now he knows. Somewhere after 47 seconds. Sort of AU? I don't really know, 1st Fanficton attempt. Be easy on me?


**Summary: Loosely based on **_**I Almost Do **_**By Taylor Swift. She knew. She knew all along. Kate Beckett knew that Richard Castle loved her and she never told him. Now he knows. Somewhere after 47 seconds. Sort of AU? I don't really know, 1****st**** fanficton attempt. Be easy on me? **

**Disclaimer: Don't own Castle… dreams don't come true here… **

"_All this time she knew. Maybe she was embarrassed? Maybe she didn't feel the same?" _Richard Castle's mind was racing as he got into the NYPD 12th Precinct elevator. "_How could I be so stupid? She doesn't love me." _

Kate Beckett hadn't heard from Castle in one week. No phone call or text message. Maybe he was writing? No, he usually gave her notice before he would be gone to get some work done. She had called him once, to inform him that a murder had taken place and left him the address on his voicemail when he didn't pick up. Kate called him for a second time to ask if he wanted to take a break from whatever he was doing and go to Remy's to get a burger; no answer, only voicemail once again. Beckett missed Castle; there was no doubt in that. She thought that they were becoming closer in the past few weeks but now it seems like he is drifting away.

Castle missed her, but he couldn't go back. It would hurt so much, to see her and know she didn't love him. It hurt enough to see her picture, her beautiful face smiling up at him, every time she called. It hurt to listen to the voicemails she left. Every time she called, he almost answered. It took ever ounce of strength Castle had to not answer, but every time, he almost did.

He almost went back. Rick kept telling himself that he couldn't, that she didn't love him and he didn't want to bother her anymore. That's what he felt like now, a nuisance, a bother to have around. He thought they were getting stronger, not weaker, but that would mean she was in the same place as him; that she was feeling the same.

Castle tried to block her out of his mind. He sat in his office in hopes of typing out a chapter of the next Nikki Heat novel. Everything reminded him of her; every word, sentence, and paragraph he typed brought Kate to his memory. Frustrated, Castle leaned back in his chair, a sigh escaping his lips as he tried so desperately to forget the woman he was madly in love with. There was only one problem. He could never forget her; her beautiful smile, her gorgeous brown hair, and her stunning green eyes. Kate Beckett was extraordinary, amazing, and completely unforgettable. So he just sat there, at his desk in his house all alone and tried to stay his thoughts from her.

Kate couldn't take it anymore. Why was he being like this, so distant and removed? He loved her didn't he? She heard him, his confession of love; he doesn't know that she feels the same but shouldn't he? After 4 years he should know that she cares about him, that she wants him around. Beckett just wasn't ready to admit it yet. She needed time; time to get justice for her mom and her own shooting so that she could be fully committed to Castle. He deserves that, Kate knows that. That's why she hasn't told him her feelings. Or is it because she herself is scared? Kate doesn't know. All she knows is that she wants him. So why not go to him?

At 11 pm, Kate had just gotten out of the precinct after finish up some paperwork, went home to change into more comfortable clothing, and was now on her way to Castle's loft. She was scared. No, scared wasn't the word. Terrified. Terrified she would lose him, that she would never see him again. She didn't even know what she was going to say to him. No plan at all.

Now restoring to watching bad reality television, Castle lay sprawled out on the couch drifting his thoughts away from Kate. He heard a knock. Once, twice, three times. He knew who he wanted it to be. He wanted it to be Kate and to just hold her, touch her, love her. But Castel knew it wouldn't happen. She doesn't care, at least not the way he does. Sure she cares for his life; she has saved it plenty of times. But not love.

Opening the door, Castle lost his breath. It was her. She was there. Wearing a beige leather jacket, green t-shirt, jeans, and boots, Kate Beckett was there. At Castle's loft, staring at him with a confused look that made her look so very adorable. Castle stood there, staring but with a wide grin on his face. Remembering that he was supposed to be mad at her, Castle tried to mask his grin with a serious look.

"Hey Castle, where were you today?" asked Kate, trying to hide the hurt she had felt when he didn't show up at the Precinct, or even answer her calls for that matter.

"I..uh.. I had to get some writing done. I'm not just your shadow; I have a job to do too." Rick replied, fake anger covering the sadness he was feeling.

Beckett was thrown back by his words. His words usually comforted her, but now they hurt. She tried to stay calm. "Yeah I know Castle, you just usually let us know…before you go away to write." He never moved from in front of the door, guarding her from being to be able to come inside, in a way guarding his heart from the pain she might bring. Finally, he moved aside allowing her to come inside. Both were silent for what seemed like forever, but in reality only minutes. By now, Beckett's calm was starting to turn to anger.

"Look Castle, you seem mad. I don't know what for, partially because you won't return my texts or calls." Kate said, her voice rising steadily as the sentence went on.

"Do you know how many times I looked at those missed calls? Listened to those voicemails? Reread those texts?" Castle was stepping closer, voice rising, "I almost did. I almost replied; almost went to the precinct. But I didn't. You don't even realize why!" Castle turned his back to Kate, lowering his voice and running a single hand through his hair, "I was trying to forget you.."

Her heart stopped, only for a moment. Kate stared at him, mouth gaped open. She felt like a part of her had just been ripped out. A tear escaped her eye, with his back still turned, she quickly wiped it away. "Why..." Her voice was low, below a whisper.

"Because I love you! You know that, I know. I heard you in interrogation, when you said you remembered everything from your shooting which includes when I said 'I love you'." Castle turned to face Kate, speaking without looking at her. If he had, he would have seen secret tears spilling out of her eyes. Kate reached out to tilt his face so that he could see her.

Now looking at Kate, he noticed her tears streaming down her face. He started to say something, something to take all that he just said back so that she would not cry. But she silenced him with her own words.

"Is this why? Is that why you left? Why you won't return my calls and want to forget me?" She was still touching his face and could feel her breath with his. "Yes, I knew you said 'I love you' Castle. I wasn't ready to be fully into a relationship, I needed closure for both my mother and I, but I don't want to wait anymore."

Castle stood close to her, letting her words sink in. "You…you want to be with me?"

She nodded a small smile on her lips. The hand once on his face was now behind his neck. She pulled him down for a small, slow, loving kiss. He wanted more but she ended it. She had more to say and he defiantly needed to hear it.

"I love you Rick and I never want you to feel that I don't." Kate said, looking deep into his beautiful blue eyes.

Grinning like an idiot, Castle replied, "I love you too Kate." Then he kissed her until both forgot about the past two days and just thought about that moment.

**That was nerve-wrecking. Please review and give me some tips or something. Like it? Hate it? Be easy… I beg of you - Lexi**


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